


got you on my mind

by liamisokay



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-03-01 03:38:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18792223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liamisokay/pseuds/liamisokay
Summary: "You lost your Dad, girl, I know how that feels. I lost my mom, trying to deal with that still."orThe one where Clarke and Bellamy meet in group therapy.





	1. 1

Clarke drank her bitter coffee, well, bitterly. The complimentary beverage’s warmth tingled her tongue as she tried to gulp it down, successfully swallowing at least half of it before she let her eyes wander around the small room she just entered. Next to the free coffee Clarke had helped herself to, was an array of stale-looking plain glazed donuts. The only thing other than the sad looking pastries in the nearly empty room was a group of people sitting in plastic chairs the church assumedly provided for the meeting. A church that Clarke had never even heard of before last week when one of the many counselors she had met in the past month suggested she check it out. She had the flier with the church’s address on it clenched in her left hand, the Styrofoam coffee cup in her right.

  
Clarke looked down at the neon green paper she held. “ **GREIF & LOSS SUPPORT GROUP**” was at the top of it, printed in big block letters. The time the weekly meetings took place was right below that, Tuesdays at 6:30. Clarke was nearly fifteen minutes late. She decided sitting in the back would be her best option in order to be as discreet as possible. Throwing the flier away, she tried to slip into the furthest row from the front. The way the chairs were set up reminded her of some sort of rehab group or Alcoholics Anonymous. There were about six rows of chairs, divided in two to make an aisle that led to a tiny wooden podium that the counselor who had suggested she come, stood behind. Clarke estimated there to be about 30 chairs in the room yet only counted a whole total of 12 people in the room including Clarke herself and her counselor.

  
“Clarke!” The counselor pointed her out. “I’m so glad you made it.” All ten heads turned to look at her. She plastered an uncomfortable grin on her mouth as she nodded in acknowledgment to the words. Clarke was hoping this exact thing wouldn’t happen. “Group,” The counselor addressed everyone, directing their attention back to the front. “meet Clarke.” They couldn’t be bothered to turn around again, except one boy with curly brown hair, Clarke noted, who turned to smirk at her. She returned his expression with a blank one and took a sip of her coffee.

  
As the counselor, _Clarke couldn’t remember his name if her life depended on it_ , continued with the meeting, Clarke’s eyes drifted to the posters on the wall. They ranged from inspirational sayings such as: “It gets better!” to suicide hotlines and the 12 steps. There were bible verses everywhere in sight. Clarke’s family had never been particularly religious, so if her Dad could see her now he would probably chuckle in the way he always used to at Clarke’s dumb jokes or his own, for that matter.  
She tuned out most of what was being said throughout the meeting while thinking about her Dad. She didn’t want to be there in the slightest, but her mom had forced her to, threatening her if she didn’t go. She was distracted until everyone started standing up. Thinking the meeting was over, hoping it was over, she stood up with them. It wasn’t until everyone started dragging chairs to form a circle that she realized the meeting was in fact not over, but instead it was just probably just getting started. Cue the internal groan. Joining them, she dragged her own chair over and sat down right across from the boy who had previously looked at her. She felt annoyed.

  
“Since we have a new joiner I’d like if we could go around and introduce ourselves.” The counselor clapped his hands together, smiling at the group. He joined them in sitting. “I’ll go first. I’m Marcus and I lost my mother six years ago.” Clarke didn’t know either of those things, Marcus had definitely told Clarke his name before, but had never told her that his Mom had passed away.

  
The group went around in order of the circle introducing themselves, some of them just said their name, some shared who they’d lost as well, some went as far as to explain how or what age they were when it happened. When it was Clarke’s turn she took a sip of her now-cold-coffee and stood up. “As you know, I’m Clarke. My dad died three months ago.” As she looked around the group, all of their faces looked sincerely sorry, as if they knew exactly what she was going through, because they _do_. And she hated it.

  
She hated people feeling sorry for her. She hated how she was the first person in the group so far to say the word died as if it was a swear word, or like it wasn’t allowed. She hated the way they all looked at her as if they wanted an explanation as if they wanted to gossip about it. But she doesn’t blame them because they’re brainwashed to think this is a safe space for their loneliest thoughts. Clarke doesn’t buy it. She slouches down further in her chair, as a way to hide from their prying eyes.

  
The girl next to her goes. “My name is Raven and I lost my boyfriend recently.” She gives Clarke a small smile and Clarke genuinely returns it with her own.  
For the next five or so minutes, every name said goes in one of Clarke’s ears and out the other. She really hopes there isn’t some kind of quiz on this or she’ll look like an asshole. But _Marcus_  seems exactly the type of person to make a game with their names as an icebreaker to make Clarke feel more comfortable without realizing it’d do the exact opposite.

  
Clarke starts paying attention again when the boy across from her stands. “Bellamy.” He nods at her, his curls bouncing. He used one hand to push them out of his face before he started talking again. His eyes shuffled from each and every person in the circle as he stated, “My mom died two years ago.” His eyes landed on Clarke’s. She held eye contact with him until Marcus started speaking again.

  
He clapped. He must like clapping, Clarke thinks. “Amazing guys, thank you all for sharing.” When Marcus started explaining the importance of learning each other’s name was to forming a trust bond, Clarke stopped listening again and let her eyes wander over to Bellamy who was already looking at her. She awkwardly shifted her eyes to the wall directly behind him, landing on yet another inspirational poster with a picture of a cute puppy chewing on a key, titled: _Positivity is key!_ She squinted her eyes at the cheesiness.

  
The clock on the wall adjacent ticked aimlessly. The hands indicated that it was only 6:58, another internal groan from Clarke as she threw her head back and stared at the ceiling. A different voice from Anya’s distracted her from the water stains above her, the voice belonged to the boy, to Bellamy. “My mom’s birthday is coming up. My sister’s having a really hard time right now and I keep trying to get her to come to these meetings but she’s so stubborn. She knows how much they’ve helped me, but I think- I think she doesn’t want to get help. And I’ve stopped trying because at this point she can only help herself.”

  
“It was the same with me.” Raven, Clarke thinks that was her name, said to him. “Marcus had to beg me to come in during countless of our sessions, finally I just gave in because he was relentless, and you all know how stubborn I can be. So, keep trying, Bellamy. She’ll give in eventually.”

  
Clarke stayed silent and listened to the other group members discuss amongst themselves. She glanced at the clock every three or so minutes, which didn’t help anything considering she didn’t know how long these meetings lasted for. She hoped not long, praying 45 minutes, or even an hour at this point.

  
Marcus once again brought Clarke out of her head, “Anything you’d like to share, Clarke?”

  
Clarke blinked at her in response, before actually coming up with a response. Guarded, she replied, “I’ve been fine.”

  
He knew that wasn’t true, everyone knew that wasn’t true, if it was then she wouldn’t be at the church in the first place. The group gave her that look again. She wanted to leave, to leave and never come back. As dramatic as it seems.

  
“Okay, well. Same time next week, guys.” Marcus announced to the group before the sound of chairs being scraped and scooted commenced. As Clarke dragged her chair over to its original spot from the beginning of the meeting, Marcus caught up to her. “Oh, Clarke! I’m so happy you made it, I wasn’t sure if you would come.”

  
“Yeah,” Clarke gave her a tight smile, trying to mimic her friendliness. She wanted to complain about how her Mom basically forced her, but she knew that would probably just hurt Marcus’ feelings and Clarke didn’t want to do that, he seemed nice enough.

  
“You should really consider coming back, I know it’s hard to get used to the idea of a support group, but once you start to utilize it, you’ll see the benefits.” She felt like she was talking to a walking inspirational poster.

  
Clarke nodded. “Sure thing, Marcus.” Truthfully, she had no clue if she was ever coming back.


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy!!

Clarke gripped her car’s steering wheel as if her life depended on it, she felt anxious about the idea of seeing Marcus again after weeks of blowing off their appointments. After a whole month of rescheduling their one-on-one meetings, she decided it was finally time to go see him again. Actually, her Mother decided so, Clarke just obliged.

  
The receptionist behind the front desk greeted her with a smile. “I-” Clarke started. “I have an appointment with Marcus.”

  
“Sure thing.” The brunette responded, searching something on the computer sat in front of her, typing away. “Are you Clarke?” Clarke nodded. “Take a seat, he’ll be right out to get you.” She listened, sitting in the closest chair.

  
The wait wasn’t long before he opened his door and said a “Welcome,” to Clarke, instructing her to come in. She shut the door behind them. “So,” Marcus started, sitting in his big, brown, office chair. “It’s been awhile. How are you doing?” Clarke huffed at that, she hated that question.

  
“I think I’m fine. Abby doesn’t agree.”

  
Marcus flipped through some of the paper’s in Clarke’s file before landing on the one she wanted, presumably the one with Clarke’s family history. “Abby is your Mother, correct?” Clarke nodded. “I see. And how is your Mother dealing with all of this?”

  
“She’s busy pretending nothing ever happened. Almost as if Dad never even existed.” Listening to Clarke with full intent, Marcus nodded, urging Clarke to share more. “Jesus Christ, it happened less than four months ago, and she doesn’t even act like it.”

  
“We all deal with grief in our own way.”

  
Clarke rolled her eyes. “She isn’t dealing with it.”

  
Marcus asked, “Are you?”

  
She never really thought about how she dealt with her grief, perhaps she was like her Mother, pretending it didn’t exist. “Of course, I am. I’m here, aren’t I?”

  
“Do you want to be?”

  
Clarke absolutely does not, she’s not going to admit that to Marcus, though. “Yes.” She said through a smile. If Marcus is not buying it, he doesn’t let on.

  
The rest of the meeting goes as Clarke expected, Marcus offering Clarke coping mechanisms to utilize and Clarke thinking about how they’re not going to work.

  
Wrapping up the meeting, Marcus suggested Clarke drop by the grief group again tonight. “Clarke, I just think if you really opened up to them, it would help you so much.”

  
“I’ll think about it.” Clarke responded.

  
On her way out of Marcus’ office, she said a quick good bye to the receptionist before leaving.

  
Her drive home consisted of an internal debate on whether Clarke was going back to the meeting or not, but before she knew it she was pulling into the parking lot of the church she had been at just a month before. The group didn’t start for another hour, yet she sat there and waited. Her phone lit up with texts from ABBY.

  
_How did the appointment go?_  
_What did you guys talk about?_  
_Why won’t you talk to me?_  
_Please come over for dinner tonight?_

  
Clarke ignored them, instead turning up her stereo louder to drown out the noise of the notifications. A knock on her window pulled her out of her trance. “You coming in?” The girl from the last meeting, Raven, asked her as soon as she rolled down her window. Clarke nodded and killed her engine. Opening the car door and following her inside. “I know they seem cheesy, but they’ve helped me a lot this past year.” Raven shrugged, pulling the church’s door open for the two of them. Opposed to the last one, they were early, and half the people were already here, sitting and waiting for the rest to arrive, the curly-haired boy being one yet to show up. Marcus smiled at Clarke’s arrival. “Coffee?” Raven asked her, pouring a cup for herself.

  
“Please,” Clarke almost groaned, definitely needing a pick me up.

  
Raven chuckled at her and handed her the one she just poured for herself. “Here,” before grabbing another Styrofoam cup. Clarke wanted to sit in the back like last time, but Raven had different ideas. “Come on.” Grabbing her hand, she tugged her to the front row.

  
The meeting was almost the exact same as last time, minus the introductions, and Clarke actually talked more this time.

  
She didn’t want to admit it, but she felt a little better. The smallest amount of weight had been lifted off her shoulders, but a weight nonetheless. She wouldn’t give Marcus the satisfaction of knowing this, though.

  
“Hey,” Raven said to her while they moved their chairs back. “A few of us are getting drinks tonight, if you want to come. Give me your phone so I can give you my number and text you with details later.” Clarke handed it over. “Woah, whoever Abby is, she’s pissed. Here.”

  
_Answer me, Clarke_  
_Now_  
_STOP IGNORING ME_

  
“It’s just my Mom.” Clarke groaned. “I dropped out of med school a few months ago and she’s been on my case ever since. It’s exhausting.”

  
Raven smiled at the blonde. “Smart and has Mommy issues. You’re full of surprises, Clarke.” She said swinging an arm around her newfound friend’s shoulders.  
Clarke wouldn’t let herself admit she was slightly disappointed that Bellamy never showed up to the meeting, she also wouldn’t admit maybe that’s the reason she didn’t fight coming all that much.

.

Clarke decided to stop by Abby’s house before she went out with them, knowing it was time to stop ignoring her. It was hard going home, everything of Jake’s was completely untouched, his old red hoodie still hung by the door and his running shows rested directly under it. Clarke shuddered as she looked at them. She had to remind herself that everyone dealt with grief differently, like Marcus said.   
Raven texted her with the details, as promised.  
_The ark, 8ish o’clock_

On her way out the door at 7:57, Clarke’s mom stopped her in her tracks. “You’re leaving already? You just got here.”

  
Clarke knew she was struggling. She walked up to Abby and gave her a kiss on the cheek before leaving. “I’ll come over another time this week, I have plans tonight, Mom.”

  
Abby’s glossed-over eyes watched her walk out the door. “Bye.”

  
“Love you.” Clarke said before shutting the front door behind her.

 

 

Clarke sat in the parking lot for a while before she worked up the courage to go inside.

  
She hadn’t been to a bar in ages, the last time was a few months before her Dad passed, with a few of her friends from medical school. She was more nervous than she cared to admit, being deprived of any social situations for so long, besides group and her meetings with Marcus.

  
_We’re inside_

  
Raven texted her, giving Clarke the push she needed to leave her car and nearly drag herself inside. Every time the bar’s door opened the loud music and lights escaped, becoming muffled when it shut. When she eventually entered the bar, the sound filled her ears. It was dark inside, yet enough light gave her the ability to spot Raven ordering shots at the bar top. “Clarke!” Raven cheered when she saw her. “Take a shot,” She ordered, slipping the small glass into Clarke’s open hand. Clarke obliged after smiling at the girl.

  
Clarke shot it back easily, cringing slightly at the smooth burn of tequila cascading down her throat, through her chest. Raven handed her two beers to carry back to the table with a quick, “Here, help me.” While grabbing the rest of the shots with her own hands. Clarke followed her to their corner table in the back of the crowded room. She recognized a few familiar faces from group, not really remembering their names, but a majority of the people were strangers. Technically, all of them were strangers to Clarke.

  
Raven slammed the shots down on the table and looked to Clarke, “Clarke, you remember Jasper, Murphy, and Bellamy.” Yeah, she remembered Bellamy. Yet, she definitely wasn’t expecting him to be here. “And that’s Harper, Monty, Miller, Octavia – Bellamy’s sister- and her boyfriend Lincoln is around here somewhere.”  
“Hey,” She greeted, making eye contact with each of them, lingering a little too long on Bellamy. “Who’s beers?” She lifted them both up indicating the drinks she was talking about.

  
Bellamy cleared his throat. “Mine.”

  
And Jasper, she thinks his name is, smiled deviously, grabbing for one of the glasses, “Gimme, gimme.” Clarke laughed at him, handing him one and one to Bellamy.

  
“So, Clarke,” Octavia said before slamming down one of the shots. “Who died?”

  
Bellamy shook his head at his sister before explaining, “Sorry about her, she doesn’t handle her alcohol very well being underage and all.”

  
Octavia slightly shoulder shoved him “I’m this blunt when I’m sober. Homeschooling has that effect on you.” she explained, before looking back at Clarke, waiting for an answer.

  
“Um,” Clarke started before sliding into the booth with the group. “My dad.”

  
“Cheers to that,” Murphy said, handing Clarke another shot glass, clinking theirs together before slinging it back.

  
Clarke glanced at the bar before deciding to get herself a beer. “I’ll be right back; do you guys want more shots?” Getting a few ‘yeahs’ to that. It's not that Clarke was upset with the question, she actually appreciated the bluntness as she has not experienced anything like it in a while. People tend to tiptoe around  _blunt_ when someone dies. She was honestly just thirsty. 

  
“I love her.” Octavia announced to the rest of the group as Clarke got up and left. She smiled at the declaration once her back was to the group.

  
Clarke went to the bar top, ordering quite a few shots and a few more beers knowing they would probably finish theirs soon, along with a glass of water for herself. She stared down at the glasses, realizing her mistake quickly, two hands and ten glasses does not end well.  
“Need some help?” A guy she didn’t recognize, asked her.

  
“That’d be great, actually.”

  
The two of them carried the drinks back to the table together. “I see you met Lincoln!” Octavia smiled at the two before grabbing another shot for herself. Man, that girl can drink. Clarke thought to herself before glancing at the helping hand next to her.

  
“I guess so, nice to meet you, Lincoln.”

  
“You too.” He shook her now free hands after setting down the glasses he was holding.

  
“Clarke.” She said before sitting back down in her original spot. He pulled up a chair to the edge of the booth, the bench being full of drunken bodies already leaving him no room to squeeze in.

  
“We were just talking about going outside to match, you in?” Monty asked her, she nodded.

  
“Sure, why not?” She followed the two giddy boys outside, Monty and Jasper -she thinks his name was- to the alley. They lit up a blunt while she pulled a cigarette out of her pack and started smoking it.

  
She didn’t see him until he was right next to her. “Smoking is bad for you.” He said. “Raven told me you were in med school, so, shouldn’t you know that?”

  
“Must have missed the day they talked about it, or you know, dropped out too soon to learn it.” She replied, inhaling deeply.

  
“Maybe,” Bellamy grabbed it from her fingers, taking a drag. “You should’ve paid more attention.”

  
“What’s your excuse?” She asked, abandoning the cigarette to take a hit of the blunt after Monty handed it to her.

  
Bellamy took another drag, “I never went to medical school.” She tried to trade with him, giving him the blunt. “I don’t smoke.” He declined.

  
Clarke looked at the boy pointedly. “Your actions say otherwise.”

  
He shrugged, handing her back the cigarette, before walking back inside.

  
“Wait,” She called after him, putting out the light. “Why didn’t you come to the meeting tonight?”

  
He furrowed his eyebrows at her, apparently not expecting the question that just came out of her mouth. “Busy.” He answered and left it at that before pulling the door open to go back inside. She took one more hit of Monty’s blunt before following after him.

  
He wasn’t at the table when she got back to it. Raven looked at her questionably when she sat back down. “So? What was that about? Bellamy doesn’t smoke.”

  
“Apparently not,” Clarke replied, taking a sip of her beer. Raven left it at that.

  
Jasper and Monty came in and sat down a few minutes later, looking blazed out of their minds. “You guys fucking stink,” Harper told them, crinkling her nose at the two trouble-makers. They giggled at that.

  
It wasn’t long before Bellamy returned to the table, meanwhile they were knees deep in a conversation about something Clarke couldn’t even begin to follow. “What the fuck are you guys talking about?” Bellamy asked, sliding back into the booth, taking Octavia’s spot while her and Lincoln play darts across the room.

  
“How the Beatles ripped off a multitude of African-American artists, what the fuck does it sound like, man?” Murphy slurred.

  
“Sorry, for asking.” Bellamy said. “I should’ve known, my bad.”

  
Clarke smiled and finished her beer off. “I’m going to get another, I think.” She went to the bar top, ordered and grabbed her freshly poured beer and wandered over to Octavia and Lincoln playing darts. “Can I join?”

  
Octavia yelled, “Of course!” And shot her dart straight in the center, making all the points she needed. “I FUCKING WIN!” Lincoln shook his head at her.  
“Not fair, you keep distracting me when it’s my turn.”

  
They started a new round and Clarke was in the lead until Bellamy came and sat down near them, making her nervous enough to completely miss the dart board. Octavia laughed at her, “You realize the goal of the game is to actually hit the board, not the wall, right?”

  
“Yeah, yeah.” Clarke rolled her eyes playfully and sat down next to Bellamy’s stool.

  
“Nice,” He snorted.

  
It was his turn to get eyes rolled at him.

 

Before they knew it, it was already 2 a.m. and the bartenders were announcing last call. Clarke hadn’t looked at her phone all night but as soon as she did, she winced.  
“Your mom?” Raven questioned.

  
Clarke sighed, “Yeah, I should probably get home. I have work tomorrow anyway.” At this point all of her words were pretty slurred, she figured she’d order an uber instead of driving, just to be on the safe side.

  
Raven looked over her shoulder at what she was doing, “Why don’t you just share one with Bellamy and Octavia? They’re both getting one anyways and it might even be cheaper that way.”

  
“Yessssssss.” Octavia agreed, “Go with Bell. Lincoln is taking me home with him.” Clarke wasn’t sure if the idea of Clarke riding with him or the idea of his little sister staying with her boyfriend made Bellamy annoyed, but either way she could see it on his face that he was.

  
“Is that okay?” Clarke asked Bellamy.

  
He shrugged, “It’s fine.” Which didn’t really feel like a ‘fine’ answer, yet she accepted it anyway.

  
The short ride with him was awkward. Thankfully, the driver went to Clarke’s apartment first, dropping her off.

  
“I’ll give you cash next time I see you.” She said.

  
“Don’t worry about it, princess.” He said.

  
“Okay, bye.” She huffed, the nickname not settling right with her. She couldn’t help but feel like ge was judging where she lived. It wasn’t a palace by all means, but it was the best she could afford without the help of her mother.

  
Bellamy stayed silent. “Thanks for the ride.” Clarke said to no one in particular, directed towards the driver, yet meant for Bellamy. Still nothing.

  
The car didn’t drive off until Clarke got inside safely, struggling to unlock the door, then dropping her keys as soon as she does. _Fuck,_ Clarke regrets taking those extra shots at the beginning of the night, knowing she exceeded her limitations. She also regrets that her room is upstairs, not even having much control over that fact. She treads the stairs slowly, unable to walk up them any quicker.

  
Entering her room, she closes the door as softly as possible. Clarke grabs a makeup wipe and lays in bed, doing the bare minimum to remove her foundation and eye makeup from the day, throwing the wipe as far as possible, it lands on the ground somewhere near. _Sleeping in underwear would have to do for tonight_ , she thinks, taking her shirt off in one swift movement before struggling to tug her jeans off. She’s asleep instantly.


	3. 3

The sun peeking through her curtains is way too bright for Clarke’s liking. She squints, rubbing her eyes and realizes her drunken self didn’t do a good job at removing all of her makeup last night. Her head and bones ache, she can tell it’s far too early to be getting up. She does it anyway, sitting up she glances at her clock that’s shining 6:52 in bright green numbers. Clarke groans. She doesn’t have to teach her painting class until 9:30, but figures since she’s awake she might as well stay awake. Her back cracks as she stands up to walk to the shower. Turning on the water, she rids herself of her under wear and stands under the lukewarm stream. Clarke twists the knob all the way to the left, the hottest setting. Soon, she starts turning red as the water prickles her skin, she doesn’t care. It feels good.

  
The rest of Clarke’s leftover makeup washes off in the shower. She reaches for the nearest towel when she’s finished, turning off the hot water and wrapping the towel around her pinkened skin. As soon as she leaves the shower, she regrets it. Goosebumps start to form due to the temperature difference. She wraps the towel around her tighter and leaves the bathroom to go change into some clothes for the day.

  
With the autumn weather in mind, she grabs a loose sweater and some leggings to put on. Her mind was still a little foggy from all the drinks the night before, so Clarke laid back down in her bed after putting her clothes on and grabbed her phone to text Raven.

  
_I regret e v e r_ _y t h i n g_

  
Not expecting a response, she turned an alarm on to set off in half an hour, so she’d have time to put on makeup, fix her hair, and even make some coffee before leaving for work.

  
Like expected, the alarm went off in time, yet it felt like only a few minutes had passed. Clarke sat up and groaned, annoyed that she went out last night, that she even agreed to take this job, that her head won’t stop pounding. Raven texted her back.

  
_ME TOOOOOOOOOOO I WANNA DIE._

  
Clarke smiled at Raven’s dramatics. Then again, she can recall Raven ordering and slamming down quite a few more shots than she did last night.

  
She sat her phone down on her bedside table and made her way back to the bathroom to fix herself ready. It wasn’t long before her paleness had subsided, and she started actually looking like a human being again.

  
Clarke braided her hair while walking down the stairs, grabbing her keys before leaving.

  
When Clarke arrives at her small studio of a classroom, it’s full of her students. Most of them are regulars but she gets the occasional newbie, someone typically recommended by their art teacher in school or someone wanting to try something new. Every class is the same, she sits in the front and talks them through a sketch. She walks around and gives pointers to people, try softer strokes and more vibrant colors. The students adore her, a few even have acute crushes that Clarke just laughs off, she can tell they all try so hard to impress her. She loves her students, so much that this was only supposed to be a summer gig, yet deep into October and she’s still here teaching them. The owner of the small art school even gave Clarke a pay raise, awarding her for the number of students she has brought in and continues to do so even five months after starting. She doesn’t regret dropping out of medical school, for even a second.

  
Anya, her boss, stops her before Clarke leaves. “Great job today, keep it up and I might just sell you the place.” Clarke smiles and leaves.

 

The rest of her week proceeds like normal. She teaches her classes only twice a week, Anya has offered to give her free reign over the Monday pottery class, but Clarke respectively declined. She liked the feeling of not being overwhelmed for once in her life. Clarke’s Mom does not understand that, or why she dropped out of school. Clarke doesn’t feel like it’s necessary to explain it to her.

  
Clarke skips grief group the following Tuesday, but she does go and see Marcus on Wednesday. Marcus tells her they missed her, she didn’t believe it, but she knows Raven might have, just a little. She got a text saying something along the lines of:

  
_U can’t avoid us that easily come to the ark Thursday night_

  
She does.

  
Walking into the ark didn’t have that same scary feeling as last time. She easily found the group in the same corner booth as last time; a spot was open for her with an untouched beer sitting there. “This seat taken?” She jokes.

  
Raven pushed the beer toward Clarke as she scooted into the seat. “It was getting warm waiting for you.” The girl smiled at her. Clarke took a sip, she wasn’t joking.  
“Why didn’t you come to the meeting a few days ago?” Jasper, sitting next to her, softly punched her shoulder.

  
“Busy.” She said, glancing at Bellamy sitting across from her as she repeated his same excuse that he told her. She didn’t stop making eye contact with him until he looked away first.

  
Bellamy coughed and looked toward the back door of the bar, “I’m going outside.”

  
Clarke waited a second before saying the word, “Bathroom.” And followed Bellamy out the door.

  
He was leaning against the brick wall of the bar, puffing on a cigarette when she came and stood next to him, digging out her own pack and lighting one for herself. Except the light wouldn’t work, and damn was it frustrating. Bellamy didn’t say anything as he leaned over and lit her cigarette with his own lighter.

 

“Thanks,” She stated.

  
He sucked on his cigarette before answering, blowing out the smoke and replying with, “No problem.”

  
Clarke looked at him pointedly. “But do you have a problem?”

  
“What do you mean?”

  
“I mean, you don’t seem to like me very much.”

  
“I don’t even know you, Clarke.” She wanted to yell at him, not even knowing what for.

  
Instead, she put out her newly lit cigarette and went back inside, ignoring the pang of rage in her chest.

  
“You good?” Raven asked Clarke as she sat back down.

  
Clarke gulped down the rest of her beer and wiped her mouth off with the back of her hand. “Perfect.” She grinned. And yes, Clarke was slightly irritated by his comment, yet she knew he was right, she didn’t know him. Yet, the same was true for the rest of the group and all of them have been welcoming of Clarke’s new presence, with the exception of Bellamy. She just wanted to know why.

  
Octavia clapped after her chugging. “That’s what I’m talking about.”

  
They all took turns getting rounds for the table, this time Clarke strictly stuck to beer though, not wanting a repeat of last week.

  
Bellamy left, or at least Clarke thinks so because she hasn’t seen him since the two were outside together and honestly, she’s okay with that.

  
After last call they all get their stuff together to leave and Raven offers to let Clarke sleep at her place. Apparently, it’s a fifteen-minute walk from the bar and really, who’s Clarke to refuse the offer. So, she goes with Raven and tries her best to not stumble. 

  
Raven, Jasper, and Monty all live together, so the four of them kissed the others good bye and were on their merry, drunken, way. Jasper lit up a blunt and they passed it between one another, Raven excluded because she “is a professional and can’t screw it up with a failed drug test.” she claims, taking one hit and passing it to Clarke.

This led to a conversation about how Raven eventually wants to open her own mechanic shop because she’s tired of her, and she quotes, “boss’s anti-woman bullshit”. Clarke understood that, being that it was part of the reason she dropped out of medical school. Too many of her peers and professors talked down to her because of her looks, so yeah, Clarke gets it.

  
Before long, they were not only high out of their minds, but standing at the porch of the house. The door was unlocked, and as they all entered Jasper whispered, “Mi casa, es su casa.” before flopping himself onto the nearest couch.

  
“He always does this,” Raven explained. “even though his bedroom is 5 feet away.”

  
Monty shakes his head at his best friend. “Want anything to eat, Clarke?”

  
“That sounds amazing.” She groans, thinking about how hungover she’ll be for work tomorrow if she doesn’t get some food in her.

  
Monty starts cooking an array of foods for the girls; pizza rolls and tater tots are in the oven, and eggs are being scrambled on the stove, while they sit at the small round kitchen table laughing about his choice of cuisine.

  
“Are you guys hungry or not?”

  
“Obviously, you are, Monty.” Raven snorts.

  
He makes a plate for all four of them, giving Jasper a few nudges before he wakes with a smile, happy about the food.

  
Clarke moans as soon as the eggs touch her tongue, she hasn’t had something actually homecooked in weeks, her mother is always working, and she couldn’t be bothered. The pizza rolls however, were another story, college Clarke and pizza rolls go way back, but it has been awhile since she’s had those as she’s been out of college for months now. “Thank you, Monty. You are the king of munchies.” He blushed at that.

  
The ate their food in mostly comfortable silence as their night finally started catching up to them. It was almost 3 o’clock in the morning, and their bodies could tell.

  
Raven let Clarke borrow some shorts and a t-shirt for bed, to which she mumbled a drunken thank you for. When Raven left the room to go grab makeup wipes for the two of them, Clarke was passed out by the time she came back.


End file.
